What Does Sanctuary Mean to a Homeless Person

Sanctuary What does sanctuary mean to a homeless person?  I ask myself this question all the time, because technically I do have sanctuary from the storm.  I live in a shelter and I have walls around me that keep out the cold, wind, rain and snow.  But does that mean that I have a sanctuary or does that mean that I have a roof over my head?  Don’t get me wrong, anything beats the streets, I just yearn for something more at this time.  It’s like they always say, you always wish for what you don’t have?  In working my now full-time job I am thinking of what my permanent home will look like and how I will make it my own.  I think of the things that I will put up on the walls, the meals that I will cook and the people that I will invite over to Read More …

Needing Breathing Room

Breathing Room Everyday I wake up and I’m glad that yesterday was a good day and I hope that today will be too.  Living with over 50 women can make life a little tough and there is sometimes no room to escape.  We all need a little breathing room now and again and I feel that sometimes, for a strange reason, that I have too much breathing room. I’m not used to being in a situation that’s stable and so I wait for the other shoe to drop.  I feel as though something is going to happen, it will be bad, I just don’t know what it is.  When these thoughts come, I often panic and have to remind myself that things are going good and it’s just a phase that my mind is going through, it will be over soon.  The problem with having thoughts like that just happen Read More …

Youth and homelessness

Youth Youth and homelessness go together like cereal and milk.  When you’re young, you don’t mind sleeping on a mat, you’ll do it just to prove how bad-ass you are.  If you are homeless, it means that you are trying to make a point.  I know when I was young that’s how it was for me.  I would leave a shelter because I didn’t agree with the ethics of the place.  It didn’t matter to me that I had nowhere to go to, making a point was more important than my safety.  Now that I am older it seems that making a point is nowhere near as important as having a warm place to rest my head, I call it getting older. I see young people out on the streets, literally sleeping in doorways and out in the open and I think to myself, “You can do that know, but Read More …

Addicted to Struggle as a Homeless Person

Struggle How can anyone be addicted to struggle?  How can it be that a person can actually want drama and chaos in their life?  Struggle can be something that is addictive because of its opposite – boredom.  When the boredom was overtaking me, I never realized what was happening to me, but now I understand.  Let me explain. As a homeless person there is so much struggle, everyday is a day to try and stay alive and there are tons of things to do in order to fix your situation.  There are appointments to keep, jobs to apply to, books to read for self-improvement, it can be as if you never have a moment of free time on your hands.  This trying to become a better person and live a better life can become addicting.  While I’m doing all of this self improvement, what happens when I get a job. Read More …

Homelessness and Mental Health as Embarrassing

Embarrassing To be homeless is a very embarrassing thing, because it comes across as having absolutely no control whatsoever of your personal situation.  That statement is true of course, to be homeless means that you have no control over your living situation.  What homelessness implies is that you not only don’t have control over where you live, but you also don’t have control over your self and that can be very embarrassing to explain to others. In the past I have always tried to hide my homelessness from employers both current at the time and would be for fear that they would judge me as unstable and in need of help of the psychiatric kind.  What was embarrassing was not my homelessness, but my mental health.  I tried every conceivable way to control the way I was seen on the outside, that way I would not have to deal with Read More …

Numbers in Time and Money

Numbers When I think of numbers as a person who is without home the only thing that comes to mind is time and money.  Time constitutes the amount of time it takes for a person to do something and how much time that person will have to wait for a response for whatever it is that they did.  Money is obvious, you make it you spend it and you try to save as much of it as you can.  Let’s talk about this time thing first. Time to a homeless person has two speeds slow and Indy 500, there is no in-between.  When you have to wait it’s the worst, I recently had to wait 7 months to get into a homeless shelter.  The wait for something that will change your life seems never ending and because it will change your life, the wait seems that much longer.  When you Read More …

Phases

Phases Just as with everyone else there have been many phases in my life.  I have had phases where there was quiet and solitude and I was not homeless and I enjoyed myself.  I am lucky that I have had a reprieve in-between the madness and chaos that is homelessness.  I think of those times and how to get back to them now that I am homeless again. I consider the state that I am in only a phase.  I consider the phases in a person’s life to  be moments of a certain experience, whether it was that 20 year hitch that you had with your last job or the car accident that took all of 1 minute to wreck your life.  These are just moments in time that are either good, bad or indifferent.  The difference between the phase that I am going through and the phase of most other Read More …