Moments to Remember – I’ve got a New Job!!!!!

Moments to Remember For all of the things that have gone wrong in the past year, things are finally looking up.  I have a new job!!!!  It’s a job that actually pays me what I’m worth and is built on respect and trust.  I have not worked in awhile so it is going to take some time for me to get back in the swing of things.  I think that I will begin the process of readying myself for tomorrow which is when this job probably starts. The logistics of a job and being homeless are going to be a challenge, but I am up to that challenge and I think it’s going to be a good thing.  I will have to do my hair the day before and take a shower in the early morning and go to bed early for this to work.  Logistics for anyone is always Read More …

Trying for perfection but achieving total imperfection

Perfection I tend to be an all or nothing type of gal, this is the way that I was raised.  If I wasn’t perfect I got smacked, kicked or belted, that’s just the way that it was.  I was raised to see what others needed and if I could get it for them.  I was raised to be in essence, perfect.  As I grew up I realized that I was about as imperfect as a person could be and that all my trying to please others, did nothing for me.  And that is where I am right now. I had a dream about where my life would go but that dream was based on someone else’s plan.  I was supposed to live out their dreams and be the perfect example of what a wonderful job they did in raising me.  I failed horribly at that task, I don’t think it Read More …

Addicted to Struggle as a Homeless Person

Struggle How can anyone be addicted to struggle?  How can it be that a person can actually want drama and chaos in their life?  Struggle can be something that is addictive because of its opposite – boredom.  When the boredom was overtaking me, I never realized what was happening to me, but now I understand.  Let me explain. As a homeless person there is so much struggle, everyday is a day to try and stay alive and there are tons of things to do in order to fix your situation.  There are appointments to keep, jobs to apply to, books to read for self-improvement, it can be as if you never have a moment of free time on your hands.  This trying to become a better person and live a better life can become addicting.  While I’m doing all of this self improvement, what happens when I get a job. Read More …

The Waiting Room of Life

Waiting Room I feel as though there is a waiting room for life and we all have to wait our turn.  When we want something it has to be the right time and the right place or else it just does not go through.  As I sit waiting to hear about a job that can potentially change my life, I think of all the times that I have waited or have forced someone else to wait for me.  In waiting for others, it always seems as though the wait is longer, it just seems that whenever you are waiting on another person time crawls by at the speed of a snail’s life.  When others are waiting for you, the scene is totally different, there’s always more time. I have made people have to wait for me, wait for me to change my attitude, wait for me to get my situation Read More …

Homelessness and Mental Health as Embarrassing

Embarrassing To be homeless is a very embarrassing thing, because it comes across as having absolutely no control whatsoever of your personal situation.  That statement is true of course, to be homeless means that you have no control over your living situation.  What homelessness implies is that you not only don’t have control over where you live, but you also don’t have control over your self and that can be very embarrassing to explain to others. In the past I have always tried to hide my homelessness from employers both current at the time and would be for fear that they would judge me as unstable and in need of help of the psychiatric kind.  What was embarrassing was not my homelessness, but my mental health.  I tried every conceivable way to control the way I was seen on the outside, that way I would not have to deal with Read More …

Forgiving Your Childhood

Childhood Childhood for homeless people is an ugly thing that usually was full of lots of abuse whether it be mental, physical, verbal or sexual.  Learning to let go of childhood and move on into the world of an adult is almost as hard as being homeless itself. My childhood was filled with abuse of every kind, whether it came from my mother hits and screams or my next door neighbors unwanted sexual advances.  When a person is raised this way they grow up with lots of hate and anger and that hate and anger override any other emotion. I was a very angry person, I didn’t really realize how angry I was.  I suffer from PTSD and I have moments when I flashback to something that happened twenty years ago, it’s hard to move forward when you are still stuck in the past. About 6 months ago I finally Read More …

Numbers in Time and Money

Numbers When I think of numbers as a person who is without home the only thing that comes to mind is time and money.  Time constitutes the amount of time it takes for a person to do something and how much time that person will have to wait for a response for whatever it is that they did.  Money is obvious, you make it you spend it and you try to save as much of it as you can.  Let’s talk about this time thing first. Time to a homeless person has two speeds slow and Indy 500, there is no in-between.  When you have to wait it’s the worst, I recently had to wait 7 months to get into a homeless shelter.  The wait for something that will change your life seems never ending and because it will change your life, the wait seems that much longer.  When you Read More …

Adventures in homelessness

Adventure Adventure by Merriam Webster defines the word as: Full Definition of adventure 1a:  an undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risksb:  the encountering of risks <the spirit of adventure> 2:  an exciting or remarkable experience <an adventure in exotic dining> 3:  an enterprise involving financial risk. The process of being homeless encompasses all three of the definitions that Merriam defines.  Adventure can be a great thing – like being on a roller coaster, but when out on the streets, too much of it can make a person feel as if they’ve ridden the ride too long and now they are about to puke.  Everyday is an adventure to a homeless person, it just depends on what stage of the game that you are in, that makes the adventure feel like heaven or hell. The part about undertaking danger and risk, seems to be where I’m at at this point Read More …

Learning to Take Things With a Grain of Salt

Grain As a homeless person I have had to learn not to take things so seriously.  If you are going to succeed at being homeless, it means that you are going to have to take things with a grain of salt.  I’ve always been one to take myself and my situations with the attitude that the world is going to end if I don’t get help, lately I’ve been forced to adjust my attitudes. For example, to get into my current shelter took seven months, in the past I would have just said forget it and walked off, but now I have a little more patience and nowhere to go or no prospects, so I waited.  What I have learned from this is that you have to wait for everything, it’s like Ringo Starr says in “It Don’t Come Easy”, “Got to pay dues if you want to sing the Read More …

Phases

Phases Just as with everyone else there have been many phases in my life.  I have had phases where there was quiet and solitude and I was not homeless and I enjoyed myself.  I am lucky that I have had a reprieve in-between the madness and chaos that is homelessness.  I think of those times and how to get back to them now that I am homeless again. I consider the state that I am in only a phase.  I consider the phases in a person’s life to  be moments of a certain experience, whether it was that 20 year hitch that you had with your last job or the car accident that took all of 1 minute to wreck your life.  These are just moments in time that are either good, bad or indifferent.  The difference between the phase that I am going through and the phase of most other Read More …