The temperature of a life is not random. The heat of life is not random either, some of us just have more heat than others. Whether you were born into a life of chaos or chaos just found you, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Over the last year my life has been lukewarm and I am getting used to that.
For a recap, I was homeless, I went into a shelter in April of 2016 and began the task of starting my life anew for the umpteenth time. This time I decided that I would deal with the issues that kept putting me back in the same situation over and over again. With a year in the shelter and a new job, I finally came out of my hotspot and began seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Exactly one year later in 2017, I managed to save enough for an apartment. Now I face a new chapter in my life as I am trying to live life on a regular basis with the everyday turmoil and boredom that follows.
On the one hand, I love living in my new apartment and I love my job, but it is hard to live on your own when you have been so structured in a place like a homeless shelter. In the shelter I was told when to eat, when to go to bed, when to wake up and when I had to do a chore. I was safe from the cold but also very restricted in my movements. The great thing about all that structure is that you never have to think about doing things on your own. Somebody always tells you what to do and when to do it. While living on my own has many blessings, I am totally responsible for what happens to me now and that is something that I am just getting used to. No one tells me when to clean my house, when to go to bed and when to do chores. These are things that I have to figure out for myself. Life has become very ordinary for me and I like that but there is a part of me that still clings to the struggle. It is extremely difficult going from the life of a homeless person to the life of an everyday person. How do everyday people act? I am trying to figure all of these things out and I wondering if I ever will.
The last year has been a twister of a year and I am hoping that things settle down, just not so much that I die from boredom or do something to sabotage myself so I can get back into the struggle. I suppose that I am always going to be a person who sits on the edge of normality. I am always going to be a person who comes from two worlds and is trying real hard to understand both of them. I hope that we all understand the situation that we are in and have the power to either make it better or to keep it as it is if it’s a good thing.