On the surface of things

Surface

On the surface of things I think that I am doing ok.  I don’t seem to be coming across as stranger than anybody else and everything that they have asked me to do, I have been able to do without much assistance.  That’s on the surface, below the surface, I feel tense and want to scream.  I am very excited about having a new job, but I am always on the lookout for failure.  I feel that if I don’t do things perfectly they are going to toss me.

I’m sure that everybody feels this way at one time or another it’s just that I feel this way everyday.  When I do accomplish something, I celebrate big time.  Right now I am happy because I am doing what I love to be doing even though it’s hard and at times frustrating.  I think of all of the other homeless people who are out there doing menial work and not getting paid nearly enough for their efforts just so they can make some money.  I know what it feels like to have a position that you hate, but are committed to because you hope that it will take you off of the streets.  You go to that job everyday and you wonder when it will be over and when you will be able to find something new.  I wonder how many homeless people are unhappy with the positions that they find themselves in and how many of them can’t get out of it simply due to finances or lack of time and/or energy.

Living with a bunch of woman is hard but it’s better than what I have done in the past which is live on the streets and try to go work after you have been riding the bus all evening long.  Once again my thoughts and prayers go out to all of those that are trying to improve their situations, but have nowhere to go while they try.  I understand the tiredness that never really goes away and trying to figure out the logistics of taking a shower and getting cleaned up for the day so that you can be presentable.  I understand all of this and I am praying for you.

There will always be trials that we have to pass through and I hope that I am able to pass through mine and that others are able to pass through theirs.  This life is complicated and there are many battles that have to be fought.

I hope to win my battle and I hope that you win yours, whatever it may be.

All that I can say is hang in there, things will eventually get better, you will get to the top of that list, you will get that job, you will find a job that is more than just something to get by on.  Life will get better, think of it this way, it can’t get any worse.

If no one else believes in you, I do.  I know how resilient you are and I know that you are not a quitter or you would have been dead years ago.  Keep trying, things are only bound to improve.

I say this to myself as I say it to others around me privately.  Good luck and keep trucking.

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