Trying for perfection but achieving total imperfection


I tend to be an all or nothing type of gal, this is the way that I was raised.  If I wasn’t perfect I got smacked, kicked or belted, that’s just the way that it was.  I was raised to see what others needed and if I could get it for them.  I was raised to be in essence, perfect.  As I grew up I realized that I was about as imperfect as a person could be and that all my trying to please others, did nothing for me.  And that is where I am right now.

I had a dream about where my life would go but that dream was based on someone else’s plan.  I was supposed to live out their dreams and be the perfect example of what a wonderful job they did in raising me.  I failed horribly at that task, I don’t think it was a conscious decision.  I think that while I was trying to be perfect, I didn’t know what I wanted, I just knew what others expected  of me.  I failed, I believe, because I didn’t know what I expected of myself.

How many homeless people are living lives like this, I tend to see the signs everywhere.  If they can’t have it this way they don’t want it anyway at all.  It’s as if someone telling us no will cause our hearts to stop beating.  Maybe it’s because homeless people are told no on so many occasions they have come to fear the word.  In my case – if you can’t be perfect why should you even bother?

The latest sign of this came when the City and County of Denver decided to throw the homeless off of the street with all their belongings back in March of this year.  An article by The Denver Post tells the story.

The homeless were told that they should either go into the shelters or remove their belongings from the area or they would have to be evicted.  The issue has become one of major contention due to the fact that the homeless in that area were stating that they did not have a place to go and that was the only area where they could store their things.  Being homeless, I know that that is simply not true.  There are places such as St. Francis that would allow them to store their belongings, granted it’s only a small amount of things that can be stored, but you can still store your items there.  So why did the homeless on these streets want to move?  They didn’t want to move because of drugs.  There are shelters that they could have gone to, but the shelters will not tolerate drug use and these individuals had problems with the shelters and their rules.  The area in question was besieged by drugs, I know this because I had to go by there everyday for about 4 months as I was staying in Samaritan Shelter at the time which is right across the street from this area.

The other thing that the homeless did not want to do in this case was move from the area in question, because the area was close to other shelters and food banks.  At the same time they did not want to quit the drug use that was prevalent at the campsite.  After a few fights broke out and the cops came continuously to deal with issues at the campsite, the City and County of Denver decided to go ahead with its plan to evict everybody at the camp.

The argument goes like this, the homeless are saying that the plan to evict will leave these people with no place to go and that all of their belongings will be trashed.  As I said before there were places that they could have put their belongings in, and there were other places that these individuals could have gone to.

On the side of the City and County of Denver, Denver decided to make itself open to the homeless and provide recreational pot. What did the City think it was going to get when it opened the door to a substance that tends to be used by people who are addicted?  The homeless population has grown ten fold in this city overnight, mostly by people who came here to use pot and any other drug that they can get their hands on.  All the discussions about the perfection of legalized marijuana shows one thing, their plan was totally imperfect.  The City did not see how the legalization would cause the State to have spend the same amount of money on social services as is being brought in through taxes.  The homeless population has become violent, dirty, crazy, unstable and increasing in numbers.  The City has shown that it does not know what to do and the people that are paying the price are the homeless who lived here before this all started.

Try being perfect and you end up either like me, not knowing who I was or what I wanted.  The homeless wanted a place that they called perfect where they could do their drugs and have their belongings and not have to answer to anyone.  The City thought that bringing in legalized pot was a perfect plan and didn’t realize the human cost until it was too late.  All of these perfect plans bringing in total imperfection.



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